my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
