i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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