Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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