its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She bit a glass in half.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
