It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
