i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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