remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
