ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
