all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
