you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize