she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
