You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
