Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
