marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
