well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize