Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
