Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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