i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
