It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize