At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
