Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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