She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
