i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
