I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
