All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize