so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
