I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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