I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
