Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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