Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
