Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
