i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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