last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize