How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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