Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
