I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
