Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
