So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize