Your mouth is God's brothel.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
