I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need a beard to bite.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
