lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
