I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize