thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
