you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have fence marks all over my body
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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