nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
