You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
