The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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