...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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