Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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