Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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