so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
