My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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