My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
