Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
