He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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