RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
