I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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