At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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