sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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