I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
