the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
