You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
