I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
