so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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