Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
