some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
