Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize