You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
