you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
