You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
