The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
