You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
id be glad to
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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