I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
