considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
