i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize