if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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