Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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