Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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