Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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