Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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