She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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