made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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