Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
