Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
