The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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