I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
