ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
