At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
