You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
