she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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