My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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