there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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