And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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