This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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