Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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