I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
