I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize