i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
