He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
