Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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