It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Do vagina's smell?
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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