legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
