He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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