so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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