I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
