I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
