I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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