I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize